Gandalf Vs Godzilla
by Marty1123
Summary: This is a task i did for school, hope you enjoy (i have never read any of the books or watched to movies :). Gandalf Vs Godzilla follows the every day life of a Wizard living in New Zealand, when one day he is faced with the task of destroying a prehistoric monster.


**Table of contents:**

 **-Chapter 1 (Next page, where do you think it is?)**

 **-Chapter 2 (Page 6, please don't skip chapter 1 you naughty troll)**

 **-Chapter 3 (I see what you've done! Read chapter 1 first, and then move onto 3)**

 **-Chapter 4 (Page 15)**

15-4=11

11x2= 22 who wrote the song 22? Taylor Swift

There are 6 letters in Taylor

A Dorito has 3 sides

6-3= 3

 **Iluminati Confirmed**

 **/\**

 **/ \**

 **/,-.\**

 **/ () \**

 **/ `-' \**

 **/ \**

 **/ \**

 **/_\**

 **-Chapter 5 + Aftermath (Page 22)**

 **Chapter 1**

Gandalf walks through the aisles of a local IGA. It was food store like any other, with white tiles metal shelves. He walks with a shopping cart slowly placing items and food goods one after another, "Lay's Potato Chips *Barbeque Flavour*", "2x Rib-eye steak", dozens of assorted vegetables *Pre chopped* and "Master food's Tomato sauce". His phone began ranging, playing the song _Pocket full of sunshine._ Gandalf stopped with a brisk pull of the shopping cart.He pulled the phone out of his pants pocket, examining it with satisfaction and listening to the ring tone before answering. The phone was a Nokia 3310 (The Original Brick phone). The Nokia 3310 was released September 1st 2000, it had a single colour LCD screen backlit with green, and with 15 buttons to compliment it. When dropped from multiple heights the phone would not break, even after ten years of existence it was indestructible.

"Yehllow?" spoke Gandalf as he accepted the phone call.

"GANDALF!?" Replied the caller. From the first word he knew who it was, Meredith, his dreaded wife. They married many years ago but in recent times the relationship wasn't going too well. Gandalf knew too well what the following question would be

"Can you please buy 20 boxes of "MRS. CAPTAIN CRUNCH" cereal? There have been some rumours going around that they will be pulling it off of store shelves because its sugar levels are too high"

"Sure Merry, just like you've been saying for the past year".

As Gandalf strolled down the white tiled aisles looking for the cereal section, right turn after left turn, he finally found it. He stepped away from the cart and crouched down to look at the lower shelves. He muttered the names of the cereals under his breath " _Special K, Coco Pops, All bran, Rice Crispies, Fruit Loops, Product Placement, Lucky Charms"._ A young man with orange hair and freckles approached him,

dressed in an IGA employee uniform.

"Sir, do you need any help?" uttered the store clerk.

"No! Quests are more fun when you are baffled and looking for the correct route"

"I can honestly help you if you need any"

With a sigh he responded saying "Fine, but only this one time. Where are the _Mrs. Captain Crunch_

Cereal boxes located?"

The clerk pointed him to the direction of the cereal. "Quests aren't what they used to be" thought Gandalf. A few minutes later, when all the goods on the shopping list were collected Gandalf strolled to the checkout then left the store. He loaded the items into his car, a Red Ford Fiesta, then got in himself and drove home. The ride home was difficult for Gandalf as he constantly pondered about his days years ago when he was on the search for the ring. "Those days were fun" he thought. He missed those moments, but then again remembered all the bad parts.

Gandalf's adventures began decades ago. At the time he was a young Metamorfapai (Type of Magical being, looks similar to humans) longing for a quest, a little bit of adventure. Unfortunately this wasn't what his parents had in mind; they wanted him to become something more, a wizard. Life with his parents was a boring life, one not suited for his fantasies. They wanted him to go to the finest wizard school that money could buy "The Grandest of All Grand Wizard's Club" was its name. His life was set out for him, once he graduated wizard school he would become a tutor for those who failed in learning the art. At the school he would learn many spells for the use of good and evil, funnily enough the school was run part time by the relatives of another wizard, you may know him as Harry potter. (Potter's Grandmother was head of education.)

Young Gandalf studied there until the age of 16 leaving, and starting his own business instead of following his parent's pre planed path. He grew old with time earning his money from an underground magic black market that he ran, until one day. A man by the name of Frodo came his way, Frodo wore animal skin clothes with alligator boots that had an odd velvet like texture. Gandalf saw Frodo as a young trouble-maker that wanted to do nothing more than annoy people. Frodo told Gandalf that he was directed to him by the lord, and that he needed a new quest partner, as he was out to find a ring of some sorts. At first he strongly denied Frodo of any adventure. Then at one point in his denial he realized his long lost lust for adventure. He willingly agreed to Frodo's request becoming his quest partner. Gandalf lived in New Zealand at these times, in caves and in houses with ugly round doors.

This was how Gandalf imagined his past but in reality, it was a tad bit different…

Gandalf steps out of the car and walks to the front of his marble stone stairs, leading up and into the house that he lives in. At the top of the stairs was a door made of thick Mahogany wood, the story behind this door was fairly interesting. It was given to Meredith by one of her friends; Meredith's friend was part of an Egyptian based religion called "Ytinaitsirhc". While Meredith didn't know much about the religion, she did learn a little bit when her friend put the door in a local garbage dump for no apparent reason. She asked her friend why the door to her house was missing. Her friend claimed that evil spirits had possessed it and that it could no longer be used as a functioning door. Meredith thought it would be a shame to let such a good door go. With no hesitation thick-headed Meredith drove to the dump and took the door, strapping it to the top of her car and driving home with it. She showed the door to Gandalf exclaiming how pretty it looked, asking him to change out the current one with the new one. At first Gandalf didn't want to replace the door as the current door was perfectly fine. His wife insisted and the door ended up being replaced by the Mahogany one.

For several days the door worked as normal, with no problems to be seen. After about a week funny noises began coming from the door's direction. Meredith first heard noises when watching TV. The door began to provoke Meredith saying abusive sentences. These sentences went along the lines of "Lose some weight fatty" and "I've seen a better face on a cow". The first few times Meredith didn't notice that the door was speaking to her, she thought that it was coming from the TV. After that it didn't take her long to realize that the insults were directed to her, this made Meredith furious as her next assumption was that Gandalf had been yelling at her. In anger she ran to Gandalf and slapped him across the face. He insisted that he had not said anything and that she was imagining things. So far the evil door's plan was going well, but little did it know that it had made a fatal mistake. Soon Gandalf began to notice strange insults directed to him as well. From the first word Gandalf knew what was happening. He was hesitant to install the mahogany door in the first place because of mahogany wood's magical nature. Gandalf ran to his secret magic storage room and grabbed holy water and a jar of live wood-mites (Cryogenically Frozen). He ran to the door and threw wood-mites at it (This was to make sure the spirit was in the door), soon enough the door began to scream in agony. It begged for forgiveness and mercy. Gandalf then proceeded to coat the door in holy water to exert the spirit (Gandalf learned to be an exorcist as a hobby in his spare time). The door's spirit perished into a fine cloud of vapour.

"Knock, knock, anybody home?" Gandalf mumbled under his voice as he knocked on the door to his house. Meredith opened the door and quickly ran away to what presumably was a Dorito fuelled Net-Flix binge. Recently the word "divorce" had popped into Gandalf's mind; his relationship with his wife of 24 years had been falling apart. Meredith was no longer the young person that she was when Gandalf married her. Meredith was a lazy person, but to achieve laziness she tried very hard. Her attempts at laziness went from simple scamming to becoming the most successful beggar in town. One of Her most worthwhile and best attempts was defrauding Centre-Link, as she is still using it to this day (even though Gandalf doesn't support it, he knows that if he would ever report his wife to the police, he would somehow be framed).

By law Meredith is classified as disabled, this of course comes with many benefits if you are not actually disabled yourself. Some of the things that Meredith has gotten from being "Disabled" include: Parking in disabled spots, free money (benefits), discounted indoor elevator purchase and installation, a year's supply of toilet paper and discounts for pretty much everything. Gandalf hated attitudes like this, and his wife's new personality, as it changed to something comparable to "Jabba the Hut".

Gandalf walked the indoor elevator, then into his room and into his bed (Gandalf and Meredith slept apart). Before going to sleep he contemplated what to do the next day, whether to make some magic potions to add to his storage or go visit Frodo, maybe even some knitting. It was a new day, with so many things to do.

At six o'clock sharp Gandalf woke up, he crept out of bed quietly. Even though Meredith was a heavy sleeper and snored a lot, he didn't want to risk waking her up. All of a sudden he froze and realized what had happened, minor Alzheimer's. Gandalf forgot that he secretly kept silence elixir in his bedside drawer for situations like this, when the elixir was drunk by someone the person and all their movements would become completely silent. He crept back, opened the drawer and took a swig of elixir; silence elixir was a white substance because as everyone knows white is the quietest colour. He placed the elixir back in the drawer and joyfully ran out of the room and into the corridor, down the elevator and out the front door. Into the Ford Fiesta Gandalf went. The first stop in his journey was McDonald's.

Most people would be confused why Gandalf would be in such a hurry to get out of his own house and go to the local fast food restaurant at this time in the morning. While there are many ways to explain it, the simplest answer is Meredith. She loved cooking considering that it was her second most favourite hobby, right next to watching television. She would cook for Gandalf religiously, only problem was that she was over confident and her cooking sucked. Gandalf didn't know how to cook very well himself, and didn't dare to say anything to his wife about her cooking In case she would throw a fit. When he arrived at McDonalds he went through the drive-through and ordered pancakes with a breakfast Mc Muffin and orange juice. He left the drive-through and parked in the car park, eating his breakfast.

After Gandalf finished his delectable meal he drove out of the car park and onto the road when-

 _ *****_ **HONK!*, *SKREEECH!*, *SMASH!*, *BAM!*.** Gandalf hit a cyclist head on as they were riding in the wrong lane. Blood and brains were all over the windscreen. "THIS IS EVEN WORSE THAN WHEN MARVIN GOT SHOT IN THE FACE!" exclaimed Gandalf in his car. He needed to think fast as this situation would land him in prison if he somehow didn't fix it. He performed a time freeze spell. To cast the spell the wizard needs to destroy something precious and then repeat the magic words "She sells sea shells at the sea shore, but she's not sure if she sells sea shells at the she shore" three times fast. The spell could only be cast once a year and depending on the sentimental value of the item the length of frozen time would be determined. Gandalf ripped a chain of dry spaghetti from his neck (This was the religious symbol for "Pastafarianism", the church of the flying spaghetti monster).

Time was frozen, but for how long Gandalf didn't know, he also wanted to punch who ever created the spell and decided to put a tongue twister in it. While looking around he luckily noticed that there were no witnesses to the crime, if this was not the case he would have to slay them and hide their bodies. He turned his car's windscreen wipers on and went to the boot looking for something to wipe up the mess with. While looking he took off his outer robe, so he wouldn't get too messy. Eventually he found a suitable old blanket and cleaned everything up with it. He then picked up all the chunks of body and threw them into the bottom of a rubbish bin. After the ordeal was over Gandalf leaned agenised his car and pulled a cigarette out from his pocket, began a smoking break to calm his nerves. An old man like him could be harmed by stressful events, also smoke, but that was not a big deal for Gandalf as he was used to seeing dead bodies. As he took his first inhale time stepped back into action. Gandalf fell to the ground dropping his cigarette as his car drove away; he stood up and ran to it before it would hit another cyclist. Eventually the car slowed down and stopped in its path as no one was pressing down the acceleration peddle. Gandalf got to the car and turned the engine off. He then pulled out the cigarette packet from his pocket, threw it on the ground and crushed it under his feet. "I don't need this tar-filled trash anymore".

He drove across the roads of New-New Wellington to visit his friend Frodo, or as he is known by his dealer name, Freddo Frog. Freddo was a thrill seeker, that's why in his early years he was an adventurer. Sadly, quests and adventure didn't provide a proper income in the real world unless it could be made into a half fake mediocre TV show. Because of this Frodo made a street name and became a dealer. He sold a type of substance called "Freedos", It was a type of chocolate that was temporarily manufactured as part of the Freddo line of chocolates before it was discontinued because of a hallucinogenic ingredient. Frodo managed to track down the recipe and start remaking it in mass quantities with makeshift equipment. The reason Frodo was doing this instead of marketing conventional things was because it would be much easier to get away with it if he was caught. He would just claim that he was "reselling" individually packaged chocolates and get off with a small fine. Frodo was a good friend of Gandalf. Gandalf occasionally did some jobs for him to make a quick buck.

" **From the first word he knew what was happening... He was hesitant to install the Mahogany door in the first place because of its magical properties"**

 **Chapter 2**

Gandalf stopped and parked his car outside of a closed pharmacy. He agreed with Frodo to meet him around a corner of a backstreet ally to do a job for him.

"Hello my friend-o" said Gandalf to Frodo

"Long time no see old man"

"How's your life been lately Frodo?"

"Ahh look, the business has been a bit shaky lately, but I think that if I begin selling to a new market some stability will kick in" "My idea is to begin reselling normal Freddo frogs as a placebo to sports players. Claiming that it's an undetectable fitness enhancing medicine. It will work perfectly, while there are no substances in the chocolate, their brains will think that they're under an influence subsequently causing them to perform better or think that they are".

"Sort of like that gimmick that happened a few years ago, where a company was selling sports bands with a rare earth magnet inside?" replied Gandalf.

"Exactly!" said Frodo as he clicked his fingers in excitement.

"I will pay you $650 if you manage to find clients that will be buying the Generic Freddos on a regular basis" "I recommend going to the "Fast Kiwi's Basketball club", as they religiously play basketball and would be ready to sacrifice another human being just to win a game".

"I'l take the job" "Elderly pension doesn't pay much, and I'd rather earn my wage legitimately, than from Meredith defrauding Centre-Link"

"Would you really call re-selling old chocolate-bars to sports people legitimate?"

"Do you call buying old chocolate bars from a shady source legitimate?"

"I guess they get what they deserve" Frodo lifted his hand to his chin and pondered for a second. "Anyway Gandy, you need to sell 5 of these chocolate boxes for a sale price of $250 each. Use all the tricks you know in the book, maybe even make up some nonsense. They need to be sold within 2 weeks"

"Right-o, I'm off now, see you later"

"Good luck Gandy" said Frodo as he waved back at Gandalf.

Gandalf Trotted off to his car with the chocolate boxes. From what he could recall, the Kiwis were going to have a match with a famous rival team called "The Slow Emus". It had been advertised all over local TV, as it was the game of the century (At least in the eyes of local basketball fans).

The car door slammed shut and Gandalf turned the radio up high on his favourite station. Coincidently his most favourite song was playing, The Wizard of Oz's " _ **We're off to see the wizard**_ ". Gandalf sang cheerfully to the music as he drove the car. "We're off to see the wizard, the wonder full wizard of Oz! Because, because, because, because! After almost half an hour of driving the Basketball club came into view. On the front portion of the building there was an image of the club mascot, Fast Kiwi.

Gandalf parked his car in the stadium carpark and checked the time, it was 11:26 AM, about two and a half hours from the start of the game. He needed to figure out how to get to the training portion of the stadium where the basket ballers were located. One option was just to break in through the main entrance, but that would probably lead to him being kicked out by the security guards. Another way was to go through the back, but that was covered with a high barbed wire fence.

Maybe he could use some assorted potions or magic that he had with him. In recent times he didn't use it that often because the Magic police would get suspicious. In the robe that he wore there were 4 sections to store vials of potion. Generally Mana (Used to preform magic) and Health potions were kept in his robe as they were the most useful of the bunch. The other two were something that he happened to need at that point in time. Unfortunately he hadn't checked on the potions or changed them in a while as he didn't need to use any.

"What do we have here" Gandalf mumbled to himself.

"Laughing gas potion, X-Ray potion" ..."Hmm, I could confuse the security guards with the laughing gas and run past them, or I could use the X-Ray and find a route were I wouldn't be seen". Like normal drugs, it is possible to over-dose on potions, this meant that he could only choose one. He pulled cork went off the X-Ray potion and poured it down his throat. A chill went through his spine and his vision turned blurry for a second. As the magical potion was starting to kick in objects in Gandalf's vision became slightly see-through. From memory to properly use the X-Ray vision you needed to concentrate on a certain area. His eyes moved towards the brick wall of the stadium. Inside were all the parts of a building that you coul- "A Ventilation system!" exclaimed Gandalf. The vent began outside of the building about 2.5 meters off the ground next to the wire fence. He grabbed all boxes of chocolates and put them into a plastic bag, hanging it around his neck.

He ran towards the fence, jumped and grabbed it. He thrust his foot forward and kicked the opening of the vent inwards, when suddenly- "Hey what are you doing!" yelled an onlooker in the distance. Gandalf twisted his face and looked at the man. "CHEESE!" spoke Gandalf as he crawled into the vent, the man yelled as Gandalf continued. Inside the vent it was pitch black, while parts of the vent could not be seen, objects and area in the main building could. He was crawling persistently *DONK* "Ah my head!" From what Gandy could feel, at this point the vent it split into two directions, left and right. His eyesight concentrated on the vent wall. To the left side the vent exited into a room were players were readily waiting for their next game. Gandalf needed to wait for a distraction, or make one himself, as it would be quiet odd to see a man in his mid 150s crawl out of a vent in a basketball stadium (Or to do anything really). Franticly Gandalf was searching his pockets, looking for an item that would produce a sufficient distraction away from the vent. Or not. The vent burst open as Gandalf fell out of it with an almost rag doll like motion.

A group of players moved towards Gandalf.

"Hey watch'a doin' here?" questioned a player

"Smash him Jim-Jim, he's try'n to stop us from winning. " Yelled out another player in the back section of the group.

"Now calm down, calm down. Before you pummel me into strawberry jam with your bear hands listen for a minute" "You guys like winning, don't you?"

One stepped forward from the group. "More than Clive Palmer does!" He said as the rest of the group cheered him onwards. "In fact, we all do like winning, even more than Charlie Sheen!" The group cried out in laughter.

"Well then, don't I have the product for you" "My name is Gandalf, yes, the same wizard as seen on TV. I'm here to offer you the most special tool when it comes to winning."

"Is it money?" –Nope replied Gandalf

"Nike shoes?- Nope!

"New Balance?"-Noope

"Sketchers?"-Nup

"Asics?"

"Reebok?"

"Puma?"

"Vans?"

"None of those things my friends"

"Then what could it be?"

"Tamico branded Sports Enhancements Winning Chocolates"

"Wow"! Said the group.

"It will make you win more than Clive Palmer and Charlie Sheen combined. And it only costs $250 for an entire box".

Over the span of 10 minutes Gandalf sold all 5 chocolate boxes to the athletes. He was also offered a free ticket to the game that will begin in about two hours. Gandalf decides to watch the match to see how well the placebo effect works. If it's not working then he will leave half way through the match to prevent getting murdered by the players. The players walk onto the court loud and proud, the referee blows his whistle and the match begins with a bang. 5 minutes pass, with nothing much happening. The fast kiwis are winning, but it's nothing spectacular. Another 5 minutes pass and something strange begins to happen. One of the players is spinning in circles whenever he walks. Gandalf was confused and many other people were as well; maybe it was just some futuristic new game play strategy. The player was 21 Johnson; he fell down after the spinning mayhem face first. That marked the start of when events really started to get weird.

Being seated close to the court meant that Gandalf could see and hear everything crystal clear. The team communication became a bit odd too; one player jumped over 21 Johnson (who was knocked unconscious on the floor) and yelling "PASS ME THE ORANGE FRUIT, GIVE IT TO ME NOW", his friend responded to him by saying "NO! It's my destiny to throw it into the unicorn's mouth". At this point it came to Gandalf's mind why the athletes were acting like this. The chocolates had accidently been swapped! Instead of selling the players a placebo, they were given hallucinogenic Freedos. Gandalf watched in agony and pain worrying that one of the players would snap and resort to physical violence. Two players sat down and were pretending that they were at a tea party. After about half way through the match Gandalf's emotions changed. Even though half the basketball players on the fast Kiwi's team weren't even playing, they were still somehow winning. By now two players were pulled off the court for medical assistance, the rest were still playing, even though the game referee was asking them to get off.

The crazier the players got, the more insane the audience got. Close to the end of the match Gandalf decided to leave, as he couldn't stand the backlash of the coach when he finds out what happened.

He left with a steady hurry, turned the radio on and drove.

The next stop for Gandalf was to go to a knitting club. Like many retired people Gandalf got bored in his old age (he was still a fit person, but the amount of adventuring he had done in his life really wore him out). So he decided to take up knitting as a hobby.

The club was new to Gandalf, as he had only started to go there last Thursday. The first project he knitted was a scarf (which he had not finished yet), using fine sheep's wool. People who worked at the club were quite nice; whenever Gandalf was confused about how to do something they would help him.

As Gandalf walked through the club doors, people warmly greeted him. One person even recognised him from his movie performance "Lord of the rings". Gandalf sits down in an empty chair and begins his knitting session. He loops the yarn round and round with the knitting needles. "Would you like some tea, Gandalf" asked an elderly lady, her hair was grey and tied behind her head. "Yes please". A few minutes later she came back with some tea, "Earl Grey, luke warm". Gandalf took a sip and began to feel a tad bit drowsy, soon enough he lost control and fell asleep.

"Wakey, wakey, rise and shine Gandalf. Are you enjoying your rohypnol?"

"Who are you and where am I?!"

The click of a light switch is heard, fluorescent lights buzz and flicker into action. Straight away he knows where he is, The Knitting club. He's tied up to a wooden bench, striped of all of his clothes except boxer shorts. He seems to be in the basement of the club.

"Gandalf, you have to understand that I'm very old and won't be alive for much longer. Life is something that I would really miss when I die." Said Vanessa, the host off the knitting club.

"Little did you know that this isn't a normal knitting club-"

"Cut the chase Vanessa! Why am I here?" interrupted Gandalf.

"To put it simply, this is a cult. A cult were I and some of my friends sacrifice the young, drink and bathe in their blood to increase lifespan. It works quite well when running it this in knitting club, while it doesn't attract the youngest of types occasionally we get a magical person like you" replied Vanessa

"And now comes the part where you butcher me to pieces because you think that it will make you live longer..."

"PRECISELY!" "But first, I want to talk. What makes you resistant to death by old age, Gandalf?"

"I have just as many questions to ask as you do Vanessa, frankly though, you cannot win in this situation."

Vanessa walks to the side of Gandalf's body, holding a large butcher's knife. Gandalf shudders slightly as he sees blood stains on the blade.

"Who says I can't win?"

"Me" replied Gandalf. "Unless you didn't realise yet, I'm not resistant to old age, I'm just a magical being and therefore live longer. I also invented a potion, which I have drunk and scrapped the recipe to that causes internal life.

Vanessa stabs the knife into Gandalf's calf muscle

"AHHHHH! I'm immortal you moron, also unlike you I went to magic school" "ABRACADABRA ALAKAZAM!" Shouted Gandalf. Vanessa went flying towards a wall, slamming her head against it and knocking her unconscious. He vigorously shakes his arms and body to try and get out of the straps he's stuck in. The straps break apart and Gandalf is back on his feet. He searches the room frantically looking for his clothes; in case Vanessa will wake up or another cult member will come down to see what's happening. Conveniently the clothes were under the bench that he was about to be cut apart on. He dresses himself and quickly finds the potions that he had, quickly drinking the health one, to stop his bleeding. Briskly he runs up the stairs and out of the basement to find the exit. When he does, he slams through the front door, nearly falling over while at it and makes a run for his car. Hopping in, turning on the engine and wiping some sweat off of his face.

" **The next stop for him was to go to the knitting club"**

 **Chapter 3**

"Another day, another story" was a quote that Gandalf would recite when waking to a day that he would rather not be a part of. The past few days of Gandalf's life had almost been a depressing reflection on his failure of achievements. But, that was just a poor state of mind that people get occasionally. The only difference between normal people and him was that Gandalf knew how to control it and could snap out of it easily.

Gandalf owned a quite big Gangster memorabilia collection. He would regularly check up on it and add to the collection. His pride in it was so huge that an entire room in his house was dedicated to it. The collection had anything to do with every type of gangster imaginable, from movies to the hood and mafia, it had pretty much everything. Gandalf wasn't embarrassed about it, even though most other people would find it strange for a person of his stature. Gangsters were not only an obsession for him, they were also an inspiration, while being a dealer was only part time, he mainly did it to live the thrills that the movies had shown him. His favourite actor was none other than _**Al Pacino**_ from the 1983 movie "Scarface". His favourite book was "The God Father" written by Mario Puzo. The main reason why he was looking into his room today was to add a new piece to his collection, a 3D printed replica figurine of Tupac that he ordered from Etsy.

As part of his daily routine, he would also check the secret magic storage room that he owned. It was so well hidden that in fact, not even his wife knew about it. The room was actually in a different dimension, and could only be accessed through casting a spell. This spell was called "Moor Neddih". The spell was outlawed by the magic police, and only known by highly skilled wizards. To use the spell you must create a circle using salt on your kitchen floor. The circle must be 2 metres wide and must be made using only the finest black salt that money could buy (luckily normal white salt painted black can also suffice). You must then light the salt on fire, step into the middle of the circle, close your eyes and wait for it to finish burning. At this point in time you will be transported to a tiny room in a dimension different from the one you currently live in (you must repeat the process exactly the same way and in the same location every time if you want to end up in the same room). The location of Gandalf's storage room has never been discovered by anyone other than himself. This is because other wizards do not have the patience or tolerance to hunt him down, and the Magic Police are just a bunch of idiots with legal powers who are against magic (even though they use it themselves). Something to keep in mind also was that entering the room sped up time of the dimension you entered it from, meaning that when you returned it would be much later than when you entered.

Every time he stepped into the room he was impressed by its scale and compact build. The room was like a candy store, but for wizards, and Gandalf felt like the child exploring it. He re-stocked certain potions, and swapped out a few potions that he kept in his robe. This room was not just a place for storing potions, but also making them. Most potions started with a base of holy water only blessed by the finest of cherubs- Only joking.

Potions started with a cauldron of boiling water (usually) to that several ingredients would be added. The process was pretty much like cooking, only that the cauldron potions were cooked in was blessed with a magical spell that would change the properties of basic items into more magical features. For example, when a food such as an apple was placed into the caldron it would create a healing element to the potion that you are creating. If making potions may sound easy, it's not. People could easily recreate potions to a recipe if they had the know-how and equipment, but to make a never before created potion was a different story. There is always a limit to how many different substances can be put into the same caldron. Like mixing paints, if you put too many different things together it will turn out into an ugly mess and probably kill you if you were to consume it. Today Gandalf was going to attempt to create a potion that had been rumoured about, but never actually demonstrated in practise. It was called by its mysterious Latin name "Forth confractus murum." Gandalf placed the caldron onto the magical stove and lit it. He waited for the water to start boiling and began adding items to the concoction. From what rumours had told him, to create this mysterious potion you needed to add:

A four leaf clover

Tiny chunks of a destroyed brick

One entire functioning hammer from Bunning's Warehouse

He stirred it with a giant wooden spoon for exactly 4 minutes and 10 seconds, no less and no more or apparently dire consequences would take place. He was not exactly sure about what would happen. Some people spoke of an invisible barrier, others of internal madness. When the mix was complete, Gandalf poured the potion into multiple vials. Holding the vial in his hand he contemplated about drinking it, or to test it on a guinea pig first. "As the cool kids say these days, YOLO" with a swift movement Gandalf drank the liquid. Nothing happened. So he waited. Then all of a sudden, "GANDALF, GANDALF, GANDALF!" wrote Martin as he forced the imaginary character Gandalf to speak...

"I don't like you, Martin. You always force me to do and say things that I normally wouldn't do, look, you're even doing it now!" Yelled Gandalf in anger. Martin's control of Gandalf was completely lost; no longer could he control the wizard through writing.

Gandalf immediately stopped breaking the forth wall-

"NO HE DID NOT" "Gandalf certainly did not stop breaking the forth wall"

"Now look who is controlling who" Said Gandalf

Gandalf is now writing the story.

"I'm shutting down my computer" said Martin *Computer shuts down*

Martin vs. His own writing

 **Chapter 1**

This is a story about Martin, the little writer who couldn't. Martin wrote the story "Gandalf vs Godzilla", a fan fiction which at the same time was not a fan fiction because he had not seen any of the movies prior to writing it. Martin awoke in his bed as he did every single day of his life, he stepped out of the bed and ran directly into the wall he was facing. He reversed and repeated. Then he walked outside of his room and into a corridor which led to his study. The study was a cosy room, and in fact one of the warmest rooms in his house. Then to an unexpected twist he ripped the USB that this story is being written on out of his computer and crushed it under his foot. Then he kicked the front of his computer's case in. His body froze up and fell to the ground in slow-motion...

Gandalf's potion wore off as the dimensions of reality and fiction split.

Gandalf vs Godzilla

 **Chapter 3** (Continued)

Everything was fixed, no longer was a fictional character writing the story of his creator. Gandalf cross-stepped in his secret room, shaking his head and slapping his face as he slowly brought himself back to reality. The experience was horrible, leaving him with a massive headache. Now he understood why the potion was so unexplainable. He hardly knew what had happened, sort of like a dream that you had and forget about the second you woke up. Placing down a circle of salt, he cast the spell and took himself out of the secret room. Every time he left the room he crossed his fingers hoping that Meredith wouldn't see the teleportation between dimensions, as she might want to put him on a stick and burn him proclaiming "My husband is a witch, and attempted to kill me!"

Gandalf arrived to the room at 8:30pm contrary to his morning start time. As he took his first step back inside his house, his phone rang. He took the phone out of his pocket and answered it.

"Yehloo?"

"Hi Gandy, its Freddo here. Just wondering if you would like to join me and some of my Hobbit friends at the "Little Man's Midget Dance Club""

"Yesh, I would be the ultimate party crasher. You know I'm too tall to go to all of these Hobbit related clubs Frodo"

"Ok, you don't need to go in the club, but I still need to speak to you"

"Is it about the-"

"Yes, but don't mention it because the NSA is listening to us, just like they listen to everyone else's conversations"

"* _ **CSHHCHCS-Intermission-SCHSCE* The NSA is currently not listening to this phone call *CSHSHC-Intermission over-SHCEJHES*"**_

"Who was that?

"The NSA of course, they're too stupid to understand the concept of eavesdropping. Hey, NSA, go home, you're drunk"

"Meet me outside of the club at 10pm Gandy"

"Rodger"

Gandalf ends the call and places his phone back into his pocket. He opened the door and was about to leave when-

"Hey Gandalf, come look at this" abruptly said the couch potato Meredith. "Theres'a some kind of Godzilla monster destroying China"

"I think you mean Japan honey, also that's probably just some movie trailer."

"Yeah I meant Japan, but it's not a trailer look at it, there is even a guy on the news talking about it."

Gandalf knew radioactive monsters and magical beings existed, but he had never seen many of them or in such large proportions. Also from memory Godzilla was a character from a movie, or a book or something. Then again, a lot of things written in books come true, just like him. Studding over to the couch he could not believe his eyes as what he was watching on TV was actually real. He was disturbed and amazed at the same time as he watched the destruction a million year old monster was doing. Godzilla was the ultimate killing machine; it had scales as strong as hardened diamonds and shot lasers with its eyes. The news report finished and Gandalf shook off the whole situation as if it were a joke "Il be like that in a few years, Mary" he said to his wife as he nudged her with his elbow.

When he got to his car he thought about the report he had seen on TV. Even though he treated the situation as if it were a joke, it wasn't, it was much bigger than that. Whenever Gandalf saw a physical threat he would imagine how he would take the situation if it were to be happening to him. It reminded him of a time during his travels and adventures with Frodo, many years ago.

Once they had gotten the ring they realised its uncontrollable powers and potential, because of this they realised that it would be a better idea to just throw it into a volcano. Only problem was that they couldn't throw it into any volcano they wanted, it needed to be a special one guarded by a massive radioactive volcano monster. Many people had talked of the monster, but no one who fought it had ever one. He was nicknamed Bob after Bob Marley. Gandalf snapped out of his trance like thought as he slammed the break on his car, almost hitting another pedestrian. Reality also hit him straight in the face, Godzilla doesn't exist, and it's probably just another "War of the Worlds" scare.

Thumping music became louder and louder as Gandalf drove closer to the club, hopefully Frodo was outside waiting for him, because it would be embarrassing if he had to go in and search for him amongst a wave of little people. He parked his car about 25 metres from the club to avoid and "Club member only car mark" irritations. The music was slowly starting to annoy Gandalf, the constant thumping noise seemed to have no effect on young people, and "I guess I'm just getting old" he thought. To his relief Frodo was standing outside the club waiting for him.

" **From what rumours had told him,** **to create this mysterious potion you needed to add:"**

 **Chapter 4**

"Hi" yelled Frodo over to Gandalf.

Gandalf smiled and waved back at his friend.

"How did the sales go Gandy?"

"For god's sake! Can you stop calling me that?" "It sounds like some sort of stupid name kids make up for their friends to annoy them."

"Fine, It is a bad habit I guess, anyway about the-"

"Yes, the sales. They couldn't have gone any better. I went to the local basketball club a few hours before the game began, sneaked in through a ventilation shaft and sold all of the boxes. Before you get over excited there is a slight problem and I'm going to be honest here, it's mostly your fault."

Frodo warped his face in confusion and fright "What could it be?"

"You swapped the substances; instead of giving the basketball players a placebo they got Freedos"

Frodo slowly raised his hand to his face.

"I spectated part of their game and to say the least, it wasn't pretty."

"Looks like we're not going to have any permanent buyers."

Gandalf handed over the wad of cash that he earned to Frodo, who then divided and gave back Gandalf's portion.

Gandalf turned around and began walking back to his car. As he crossed the road a black BMW came out of nowhere and nearly hit him, the driver angrily hit the brakes and slammed on the horn. Gandalf felt something pinch him in the back of the neck, it was a feeling like no other, incomparable to a bee sting but strangely painless. As he reached to his neck he felt something sticking out of it, like a dart or such. Standing became a challenge, causing him to froze and lose control of his muscles. He was lying on the ground in an unconscious heap.

*BEEP**BEEP*BEEP*BEEP*BEEP*

Gandalf awoke to the sound of an alarm clock, one that he did not usually wake up to. He was in a bed that he did not usually sleep in. He was also dressed in pyjamas that he did not usually wear. "Great, this is the second time I've been kidnapped in the last week". Everything in the room that he slept in was very American patriotic. His pyjamas were red, white and blue with stars, his bed sheets were printed with an American Bald eagle. There were American figurines and monuments everywhere. This could only mean one thing, the FIB had kidnapped Gandalf. The room was like a luxury hotel, only more American. There was a knock on the door, two guards walked into Gandalf's room ready to escort him.

"HEY! WHAT ARE YOU FOOLS DOING WITH ME?" They forcefully dragged him out of the bed and down a corridor, lined with only the fanciest carpet sewed (from what he could see) with gold fibres. The guards emotionlessly stood Gandalf on his feet and kicked him into a room with large walnut doors.

Inside the room there was a desk and a man sitting in a chair behind it.

Gandalf sat himself down opposite of the man. It was George Bush, but what could he possibly want from Gandalf so much that he needed to kidnap and fly him over to the USA for?

Gandalf rolled his hands into fists and slammed them on the table in front of him. "What do you want from me Bush!?" "What possibly do you need, that is so important you have to tranquilize me and fly me over here for?"

President Bush just smiled back at him. "Do you like my new animal skin rug that my beloved taxpayers payed for?"

"Cut to the chase Bush, or I will mash your toes into pulp and break all your chairs!"

President Bush smiled and replied with the question "Will you?"

"Yes you sociopath, I may as well sell you to some cannibals when I'm done."

"Gandalf, a lot of people don't particularly like me, but that does not mean you have to get aggressive?" "As you may of already heard, Godzilla is attacking Japan, destroying the city and causing a mass genocide." "America wants you to go there and destroy it with your magic and wisdom."

Gandalf sighed. Being forced to fight a humongous 164,000 ton dinosaur wasn't exactly on his agenda or bucket list.

"I'm out." "Why would you ever think that you can just bring me here and forc-"

George lifts a million dollar cheque and waves it around in the air. "Would this change your mind?"

"You're even trying to bribe me, who do you think you are?"

"None other than George Bush himself" "Think of anything you want, and I'll give it to you."

Gandalf froze and his eyes opened wide, now he knew what he wanted. "FINE!" "I will go to Japan and exterminate that monster, if, you let me crash a Harry Potter convention, and have no backlash."

"Deal"

-12 hours later-

Gandalf is being flown over in a helicopter to a Harry Potter convention that just coincidently was happening that day. His hatred for Potter started many years ago, mainly because of his instant success and fame. Also Gandalf didn't like Harry because he considered the boy to be a "wannabe" wizard. It was mainly a silly circle of jealousy, oh but he would do anything to make fun of Harry and get away with it. Gandy's plan was to jump out of the helicopter and onto the roof of the building where the convention was being held.

The heli neared the building, when it was positioned about two metres away from it Gandalf was cleared to jump. He made the jump and commando rolled, signalling that he was ok to the helicopter pilot. He was dressed in a black neoprene suit, making him look like scuba diver out of water. Gandalf searched the roof, looking for an entrance that he could sneak into the building from. The idea was that he would get in the building, find Potter and then cast a magical spell that would turn him into a pig.

After several seconds of searching he realised that there were glass windows scattered across the roof. He decided to go in fast and loud, so people would get a glimpse of what had happened, but not to know who did it. Gandalf had a bungie cord harness attached to his waist with a hook on the end. He hooked the end of the harness to a protruding metal rod in the roof; this allowed him to jump in through the window, then immediately to be pulled out by the cord. Gandalf braced himself and jumped, smashing through the window and plummeting to the floor, just slowing down as he touched the ground. He looked Potter in the eye and casted the spell "PIGUS-HUMUS-MINIMIS". The spell was cast with a wooden wand, superior to what Harry used. With a kick of his feet he was lifted back up through the window in safety. He couldn't look at the results now because he didn't want to be caught, but Gandalf would look over news footage later. In the distance was the private helicopter that he was going to be picked up by. Gandalf signalled for it to fly back and pick him up. When the helicopter neared him he ran and jumped grabbing onto the chopper and climbing in.

After a good night's sleep Gandalf awoke in the president's guest sweet and walked down the corridor to see George Bush.

"How did it go my wizard friend?"

"I turned Harry Potter into a pig in front of all his loving a adoring fans"

"HAHAH! That's insane!" laughed George hysterically "Now, you've had your fun Gandalf, it's your turn to help me."

"Where do I begin?"

"Just follow me; I'll take you to the test facilities."

Gandalf wasn't even impressed that there were test facilities, for all he knows there's probably even a candy store in the white house. He followed the president down many hallways and into many different rooms. At last they reached a 3 metre wide vault.

"This baby is made of a solid man made diamonds, 4x stronger than the real thing" "Also, its magic proofed, so no one can bre-"

"BREAKUS MAKUS" yelled Gandy, waving his wand in a precise manner. A giant fire ball formed on the tip of his wand, it was then launched at the door, causing it to break into many pieces.

"Maybe I shouldn't have told the last bit to a skilled wizard..."

"Would you kindly show me the facilities, Bush?"

The facility looked like a giant lab, and was run by scientists employed by Bush. They were currently researching and performing experiments on a baby Godzilla that they took from mother Godzilla. The scientists told everything they knew and found out about it to Gandalf. Information was incredibly detailed, ranging from where are the weak-spots on the monster to how it reproduces. The most interesting part was when they showed him the monster, caged up in a glass cell. It was green and ugly. Covered in scales the monster had two hands and two legs, when fully grown it could shoot lasers out of its eyes and mouth. After 3 days of destruction Tokyo city would be fully destroyed. The Japanese could not stop the monster but they could slow him down.

The tour was abruptly ended when George received an unsettling call.

"Gandalf, I was just told by the commissioner of foreign affairs, that if you are not sent to fight him now we have no chance."

"I will go, tell my friends and family as I may not return. This may be the last battle I ever go into."

"Certainly. Also, we kidnapped Frodo as well, because we thought he might cause a slight bit fewer troubles than you."

"Did you seriously kidnap him as well? If so he's going into the battle with me" said Gandalf

"You will be flown in 3 hours, get prepared. I will see if Frodo can come along as well-

"Please do bring him; there will be a bigger chance of defeating the beast, as one doesn't make a team."

"Alright"

 **-3 Hours Later-**

He was mad, insane, you could say. Gandalf didn't even know why he agreed to this nonsense, was it the bribery or the thought of consequences if he didn't agree. Arguably he was the greatest wizard in the world, but not necessarily one to go fight Godzilla. After the private jet landed in the runway of Tokyo airport (or what was left of it) Gandalf was put into a helicopter and to be carried to the monster, and dropped on its back. The trip to the monster was a mourning yet peaceful affair, with only the sound of wind and helicopter propellers to be heard. The city looked as if it was frozen in time with a (the look was similar to a grey scale war scene), buildings destroyed, crashed cars and destroyed roads all added to the effect.

Time went slowly.

Intercom: "Pilot in, do you copy?"

"Rodger" replied Gandalf.

"We are nearing the target of interest; I will call in one last time when you are ready to be dropped onto the back"

"Rodger that pilot" would be Gandalf's last words before the drop.

After several more minutes for flying, the monster's silhouette appeared, surrounded by a thick fog made up from the rubble of destruction that it created. Wind blew, cooling Gandy's skin, shooting an arrow of homesickness through him. Here he was, sacrificing himself for what was honestly a stupid reason, to people that he didn't like or care about. Roars could be heard, and even a slight sight of its apparent lasers.

The Helicopter was getting dangerously close to Godzilla, yet somehow luckily the beast hadn't noticed the little bird. When the copter was 50 meters away, the beast snapped. It released an unearthly roar and attempted to destroy the helicopter by crushing it with its hands. The pilot swiftly putted out of its way before the crushing blow was delivered. Getting closer to it was the hardest task that any pilot could imagine. It was like fighting a video game boss and memorising its attack patterns, successfully dodging them. The pilot was sweating up, scared for his life only inching forward to Godzilla with every move. After ten minutes of the ordeal there was just enough space for Gandalf to make the jump.

" **Gandalf rolled his hands into fists and slammed them on the table in front of him. "What do you want from me bush!?""**

 **Chapter 5**

"TAKE THE JUMP GANDALF, WE DONT HAVE ANY LONGER!" screamed the pilot over intercom.

"Rodger"

Gandalf leaped in almost a poetic fashion, successfully gliding onto the monster's back. The landing felt like it was in slow motion with visions of Gandalf's life flashing before his eyes. No reaction. There was no reaction from the beast; most likely it hadn't even noticed that Gandalf had landed on it. He was the size of an ant compared to the monster; most people would freak out and run for their lives, but not Gandalf. Gandalf had accepted his fate, it wasn't what he wanted but the truth was that he wouldn't be surviving.

In the mean time the pilot had already flown far away from Godzilla. Gandalf had landed half way up the monster's back leaving about 18 metres of climbing to get to its head. Scaling the monster was like being in a rock climbing facility, except without a harness and much higher in the sky. He had managed to get about 5 metres in 2 minutes, it was tricky because the monster's steps were very large, being just short of flinging him off of its back. Events soon turned for the worse as the beast had noticed Gandalf, and it didn't like it. It was now moving much faster and vigorously than before. Gandy was losing grip of the scales, only barely holding on with one hand. Once he managed to get a bit of momentum he swung himself up higher. Climbing was slow and methodical, the longer it took Gandalf, the more of Tokyo would be gone.

After a while Godzilla forgot about the fact that Gandalf was even there.

When Gandalf got to the head of the beast he froze. The view was breathe taking, and awfully unsettling. He crouched upon the head of the beast just barely holding on, searching for one of the most important potions that he packed, shrinking potion. He chose this over sleeping potion because it was easier to manage the amount that needed to be given, also it acted much faster. When the potion was ready Gandalf looked for a weak spot on the monster's head that scientists had told him about. It was in between part of the scales there and was a direct connection to a blood vain.

The potion was in a dissolvable capsule that would need to be injected with a large syringe into the vein. He pulled out the syringe and stabbed Godzilla into his vein, this would agitate the monster heavily but if the dosage was right it would soon shrink down to a quarter of its size. Gandalf held on tightly as the monster began to freak out. Gandalf couldn't hold on any longer. He let go hurtling towards the ground, looking peacefully at the sky, knowing that it was not over yet. He reached towards the backpack which he was wearing and pulled a cord, releasing a large parachute that was specifically made to be used at low heights.

Pictures of his previous life flashed before him yet again, this time more vividly. They were memories from when lord of the rings was filmed. There was a fact that Gandalf didn't want to admit to anyone, but it came from the deepest darkest part of his mind. While it was true that Gandalf was an adventurer and that "The Lord of the Rings" was based on his travels, it was also based on something else. After his travels were over a terrible state of mind grew onto him. Gandalf became sad and resorted to drinking to pass his worries. It became such a problem for him that he was rushed to hospital because of liver failure, just narrowly surviving death. After that whole fiasco, his wife signed him up for "Alcoholics Anonymous", a counselling program for alcoholics.

This turned his life around, opening new corridors of hope for him and taking his troubles away. It also inspired him to write a book that would maybe help others who were struggling with alcohol abuse. The book gained minor popularity and little success until a movie producer picked it up. He turned it into the mess we know today as "The Lord of the Rings": A massive metaphoric representation of Gandalf's struggles with addiction, glorifying his adventures into an art house mess.

Reality hit him hard when he failed to stick the parachute landing. He got up off of his bum to go face the beast, and finish what he got involved in. Although it soon became apparent that something was wrong, Godzilla wasn't shrinking at all. All that he could do was to resort to physical magic, magic which produced something that was already existed and didn't need be tested first.

Poetically he waved a wooden wand casting a barrage of spells, shooting fire balls, electricity, acid and such things, although none of them seemed to a have an effect on the monster. In his muddle of attacks Gandalf realised that he wasn't fighting the weak spots of Godzilla, its scales were much too strong to be penetrated by such basic spells. From memory the weak points on Godzilla were as follows: side of the head, middle of stomach, eyeballs and scales on top of heart. What came in handy was potion of invisibility; it would be able to hide Gandalf from the monster for short time allowing him to climb to one of the weak spots. Gandalf ran behind a chunk of rubble and quickly drank the potion, hoping that he would have just enough time to turn invisible before Godzilla found him. He ran out of cover, sprinting to its legs and climbing up its body, this time with icepicks. He had them packed away and strapped to the side of his waist, but didn't use them before because of a lack of time. Climbing was much easier now, and the beast could barely feel it through its thick scales. In record speed he managed to get to the heart, without even letting Godzilla notice.

There was one spell he hadn't used in years, because of how silly it sounded. It paralysed the opponent in a non lethal manner, but caused them to freeze up like ice. "BY THE POWER OF AMERICAN ELECTRONICS SUPERSTORE BEST-BUY!" shouted Gandalf, stabbing his magical wand into Godzilla's heart. It's released an almighty roar, and then froze. Just abruptly in mid roar. While the beast was frozen, Gandalf tried several spells and things to stop its heart, overall making it stop living. Sadly nothing he did seemed to really work. Long story short, Godzilla had a very good heart (not metaphorically, he's only a dinosaur and doesn't know right from wrong.)

White House

George sat in his decadent thousand dollar leather couch has he watched the battle unfold on a super stadium mega-screen (ones used at football and such). He smoked a cigar lit with a dollar bill and drank cold whisky from a cup poured by his butler. Everyone knew Gandalf will not and would not survive that battle, even the wizard knew himself but decided to go into it anyway. He didn't really know why. There was something more to the situation than just George getting someone to fight a dinosaur, there was also money. A few days before Gandalf was kidnapped, George signed a contract with a movie studio for several million dollars. The contract stated that he needed to force someone to fight the monster, Gandalf was his second option. He watched the footage of the glorious battle as it unfolded, 2 years later the movie would be released with Bush being credited as the producer. Making money had never been so easy for a president...

Le Battle

It was nearly over; the magician had nearly run out of the tricks in the book. Nothing he tried worked on Godzilla, as it was invincible to almost everything on earth. Gandalf was not a person who gave up, whatever it took he would try his hardest to achieve. There was one spell that only a single wizard could perform in the world. The spell was called "The Greatest of all Grand Wizards"; it was never taught by anyone as the spell needed to come to you. It would only work in the direst of situations, the single greatest wizard in the world at that current time could use it (not to be confused with a racist cult). Gandalf had never thought of himself as the greatest living wizard nor had he ever about the spell.

The battle continued in full swing, at this point in time it was mainly a cat and mouse game that was going on for too long. Gandalf was worn and tired from the constant running, he hid behind a large chunk of concrete structure. Then the unthinkable happened, lasers. The monster began shooting plasma beams out of its eyes and mouth. The beams were brighter than a welding arc and could burn through any material. At this moment Gandalf knew he was screwed, but something even stranger happened. It felt like a mass of energy was forming in Gandalf's body. He could no longer control himself, falling on the ground. His breathing patterns changed and blood pressure had risen.

His vision was cloudy, and then more happened. A voice began talking to him, the sound of an angel it was. The voice was beautiful and mesmerising.

"It's the spell Gandalf, do what you need to do!" Spoke the voice

"What, can you repeat that again?"

"I SAID GO DESTROY THAT STUPID TROGLODYTE YOU OLD FART!" It was apparent that the angel had a short temper.

Gandalf walked to Godzilla, just barely holding himself upright. He looked as if he was possessed, being controlled by strings attached to his body. Godzilla blasted lasers at Gandalf but nothing happened, he seemed to be absorbing the energy. The tables had turned, now Gandalf was the invincible dinosaur. He reached the left foot of Godzilla and placed his hand on it. It struggled to move, as if something was stoping it. He muttered the words "The Greatest of all Grand wizards". Both of them fell into a seizure, similar to what happens in cartoons when someone is electrocuted. The beast squealed and roared, they were sounds of death. Godzilla was turning into a smoke, its form as a physical entity was disappearing. Soon all that was left of the monster was smoke. Gandalf defeated it even without having Frodo at his side.

But at what cost?

White House

George could not believe what had happened.

His heart was about to skip a beat.

From a young age George didn't believe in the power of magic, but certainly the power of money. He hated magic, as he could never perform the tricks himself and was brainwashed by his single-point-of-view redneck father that magicians were scammers. Which is true, magicians are scammers, kids.

This was the first feat of real magic that he had witnessed.

In part of the movie contract that he signed with the company it stated "Fighter must die, Godzilla must win." The contract would be broken and the money would be taken away if this happened.

 **Battlefield**

Gandalf was dead, just like a fish. The spell was a sacrifice for the greater good, to kill something and take your own life (being immortal didn't stop death). He didn't know this when going into using the spell, but I don't think he regretted it. After all, he was a Pastafarian.

After Math

 _ **Gandalf:**_

Sipped beer from the largest volcano there is in Pastafarian heaven, while having conversations with past wizards and celebrities. Occasionally visits hell to have long chats with his friends Adolf Hitler and Kim Jong IL. He also listened to the song "I'm a believer" on a daily basis.

 _ **Meredith:**_

Sold all of Gandalf's belongings on eBay and let the Japanese bury him in a memorial. Recently re-married to a 24 year old millionaire and drank a bottle of champagne in 30 seconds, breaking the world record.

 _ **Frodo:**_

Is a pothead in secrecy and always will be.

 _ **IGA Clerk:**_

Became heavily enthralled in dungeons and dragons after Gandalf's inspirational words "Quests aren't what they used to be". Carried on to win multiple tournaments in the game and inspired hundreds of teenagers from the new generation to waste time playing a board game that costs over 300 dollars once you buy the sets to properly play it.

 _ **Cyclist:**_

Is still rotting in a rubbish bin.

 _ **Basket Ball Team:**_

Were drug tested, and proved positive causing a yearlong scandal just like the Essendon football club did back in 2012. News was constantly flooded with the mundane and uninteresting updates of stupid sports scandal. It got so bad that free to air TV would cause people to go crazy and cut live electrical cables.

 _ **Vanessa:**_

Has currently moved to sacrificing piglets as they are less trouble than 150 year old wizards.

 _ **Harry Potter:**_

Had lots of fun at the abattoir.

 _ **George Bush:**_

While drinking Jack Daniels, decided to become the next "Wolf of Wall street" as if his pension doesn't pay him enough. He has also sacrificed his left toe to a dark wizard in order to clear his bad luck (that's not how dark wizards operate).

 _ **NSA Operator:**_

Got promoted to the next level darude sandstorm, furthermore to join the NASA (American Propaganda Machine).

 _ **Martin:**_

Is currently being forced by his brain to write this pile of excrement. Just joking, it's really a cow pat.

 _ **Martin's Brain:**_

Seriously reconsidering the above line

 _ **Helicopter Pilot:**_

Is currently undergoing PTSD treatment. He also believes that he sexually identifies as an attack helicopter.

" **What came in handy was potion of invisibility; it would be able to hide Gandalf from the monster for a short time allowing him to climb to one of the weak spots."**

 _ **Author's random notes that you should know**_

Pastafarianism is an actual religion with over 2 million members strong

Product placement is to make fun of Authors who are paid to endorse products in their writing

I have too much to talk about and feel at times when writing as though my story is going nowhere and that I'm writing about (Interesting) nonsense...

As you may have guessed "Freedo" is not an actual drug

This is the biggest writing task I have completed so far (My previous record was was a 6000 word story in Grade 6)

This story is considered to be a novelette, not a novella. (Novelettes are between 7500 and 17500 words long, according to Wikipedia)

There are a total of 11957 words in this book (Including everything, even this!)

 **Author Profile:**

 **Martin**

Martin was born in the great land of Australia and is definitely not part of the KGB.

He has written this story as part of a school project, which he quite enjoyed.

So far he has lived a perfectly normal life, just like a perfectly normal person. He enjoys playing videogames, writing, making movies and is an expert at making origami.

In the past he has written several stories, none being longer than this one.

Martin's favorite quote is "I regert nothing"

 **B lurb**

Do you like old people?

Do you like prehistoric radioactive dinosaurs?

What about fan fictions that aren't technically fan fictions?

Maybe you like writing more pointless than Buzz Feed's "31 most pointless things of all time" list.

Most likely you will like this book, whether the above helped you or not. If this is not the case then you have just wasted some time that accounts to your ever coming death. Have fun!

G andalf vs. Godzilla is an action-packed, propaganda filled tale of a wizard named Gandalf. *Read in monotone voice* It is also about his adventures and travels in new new Wellington. There is also a fight scene at the end.

P

"Pretty good" – Martin's Mum

lease read it, you won't regert it.

29


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